Eggcellent Mom Chronicles

There’s an old saying: when life gets hard, pick yourself up by your bootstraps and move forward.

I’ve got my boots on, tied my laces, and I’m working on taking that first step forward. But there’s another common saying I’ve heard often on my path to motherhood: everything happens for a reason. Right now, I’d like to call bullshit on that. There’s no reason someone shouldn’t be able to bear a child when it’s their heart’s greatest desire.

My step forward is finding light in daily life. Light spreads over Chanukah with my family, through friends who keep checking in on me, and in the possibility of creating a new home.

It came down to the eleventh hour. Hours after confirmation that I wasn’t pregnant, I placed the deposit on my condo. It’s time to settle this part of my life—starting a new year in a new home.

Light regularly also comes from each of you, and I’m deeply grateful for your kindness, generosity, and support. Thank you for walking this path with me.

The grief is still there, in every step I take. There’s nothing tangible to say goodbye to. I’m left mourning two lost moments of hope. I know my journey isn’t over, but for now, I’m hitting the pause button.

Fertility treatments have taken a toll on my body and heart. There’s a strange solace in silencing all the medication alarms, stepping away from the relentless routine of injections, prescription refills, and planning meals to counteract the effects of hormones five times a day. The financial strain has been immense. Packing away my sharps container, Rx bottles, and placing everything in a storage bin was a symbolic act of stepping aside—just for now.

My boots are durable, but they show marks of wear and tear. Come take a walk with me.