Eggcellent Mom Chronicles

My body, heart, and thoughts are all triggered. But first, the science. 

Tonight, I’ll give my trigger shots to prepare for the final step of this IVF stim cycle: egg retrieval. I didn’t quite break my personal record of 18 days from last year, but I came close. Including tomorrow, this cycle clocks in at 15 days, which is still longer than average. The trigger shots help mature the eggs and time ovulation precisely for Friday morning’s retrieval.

Since starting on June 12, I’ve had 10 monitoring appointments, 41 pokes (32 done myself!), multiple sleepless nights, and I’m still standing. I am more motivated than ever to become a mom. 

But while my body is triggering, so is my heart. 

A few days ago, I learned I am no longer a candidate for a fresh transfer. My estrogen is too high and my progesterone has risen out of range. It’s a hard pivot. I had pictured myself pregnant by my birthday next week. I thought maybe this would be it. But instead, I’m facing another two-month wait before we can try a frozen embryo transfer.

That timeline is necessary. My body is inflamed from this cycle, and my ovaries need time to heal. Last year, we hoped to retrieve 18 follicles. But my right ovary was stubborn and rolled away during retrieval, making it impossible to access. We could only retrieve follicles from the left side, which led to the two failed transfers.

This memory still sits heavy with me. As we get closer to this retrieval, I can’t help but feel anxious that my right ovary might do the same thing again. After everything I’ve put my body and heart through, the idea of losing half the opportunity again is hard to shake. I’m hoping this year is different. Thanks to a revised protocol, my body responded in overdrive: more than 40 follicles, with around 25 potentially mature. It’s an incredible response, and it also comes with some risks.

Over-producers like me are at risk for low quality eggs. Not all follicles will fertilize or grow into healthy embryos. And with ovaries this enlarged (from the size of almonds to those of large oranges), I’m also at high risk for OHSS (Ovarian Hyperstimulation Syndrome), a complication that can lead to fluid buildup, pain, and in some cases, hospitalization. There’s not much I can do now but wait, hydrate, eat salty protein, and monitor my symptoms closely. 

The emotional toll is just as intense. My hormones are sky-high, especially estrogen. I feel like I’m floating outside my body, crying from joy one minute and sadness the next. I don’t always recognize myself in these moments, but I know I’m still here. 

IVF is triggering. Physically. Emotionally. Spiritually. It demands everything. It stretches your hope and your heart. And it’s also expensive, time-consuming, and unpredictable. 

To those of you who’ve walked this path with me, thank you. Every message, every check-in, every donation has made this journey lighter. If you’re able to support me as I keep going, please consider donating to my GoFundMe. Every bit brings me closer to building the future I’ve been holding in my heart.